"the police are on their way," she said.

I dont know whats wrong with me. but i seem to attract unwanted attention from higher powers.

foley, callahan, teachers, police, that presidential guard in washington, parents, you name it.

its like they breathe down my neck! one step out of line and its a pounding, grounding, or scolding. its so crazy.

and im sick of it, really i am.

just recently i got nailed for chewing skittles in the library! what the hell!? and i know anna wants me to be nice, but come On! the librarian in school can be a major fruitcake. profanity is clearly the intention but i chose not to use it.

and my friends think i have a problem with authority.

and the truth is, i think i do...

love,
n.

In Regards to the Game of Love.

love is a two way deal, theres good and bad sides to it.

love can be beautiful, euphoric, and happy. being able to share yourself with someone who is oh so special to you is perhaps the greatest feeling for me in the world. I've been lucky enough to be a part of this for almost 10 months, and i can say i've never been happier.

but then theres always those times when i'm unsure of myself. if i'm living up to what she deserves. i cant read minds. i have no idea what to think sometimes. i feel trapped.

but then i see her smile at me. hold her in my arms, hear her voice whisper in my ear.

and i remember the times when we saw each other every day after work in the summer, lay on the beach with some friends, watched movies in the basement of her house, snuck a kiss when no one was looking.

and suddenly all the doubt is gone from my mind.

and i remember how much i love her.

here's to her,
n.

A Coloring Storybook of the Mind

Some days, it is absolutely impossible to overlook how beautiful life can be. We’ve been so completely absorbed in concentration, in detail, it is often easy enough to forget to come back down to the moment. This morning found me there. Letting go a little and clearing the mind. I’m sure that the sun breaking through for the first time in two weeks has much to do with putting the spring back in the step of my mind.

There are seemingly two modes of being for me, the viewing and the being. In the viewing stage, I feel almost on autopilot at all times. I am watching, listening, feeling little. I am generally unaffected by the things that happen around me as if I’m watching the movie of my life. In “being”, I am fully interactive and much more alive. I am. And my energy is with me. Today I “am”.

And now I ask… How often is it that I have that moment, that I get a chance to do what I’m doing with who I’m doing it with and then within the next thirty minutes find myself doings something completly differant. this new year is starting to take shape before me. but its like its losing all its color. the trees are white, and so is the ground and roads and bushes and everything else. but maybe thats the snow..

i could do with some crayons. i'd just love to color this world anew.

love,
n.